Tea's Quest
by Sunfalling
Summary: Tea embarks on a quest to make Yugi taller, but her plans are interrupted when Kaiba swipes the XJet and takes the gang thru the cartoon universe to stop World Domination by Yami Bakura! My first fic ever. Sort of funny, but very lame.
1. Brawl at the Mall

 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thank you to all the great Yu-Gi-Oh! People who read these fics and the great kids at the tvtome site (where I am known as Anime Addict) who encouraged my obsession with the show.

WARNING!

This story contains NO cussing but some character bashing and implied adult humor.  Some material may be offensive to Tea/Yugi fans.  Although I dearly love Yugi and Co., they are not exactly the brightest crayons in the box, and I sooooo love to make fun of them!  Sorry.

DISCLAIMER

If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh and all the perks that came with it, do you think I would be writing about it on this site?  Come on!

TEA'S QUEST 

                You probably know Tea.  She is Yugi's sweet, caring, perky friend who cheers him on and constantly assures him that everyone believes in him.  Yes, Tea has stood up for Yugi and nurtured him time after time, but Yugi never seems to notice her!  Tea wants to be more than a friend, and Yugi just _can't seem to take a hint_.

            She wonders what differences keep them apart.  Yugi is gentle and caring, but so is she.  Yugi is persistent and brave, but didn't Tea tell off Pegasus and Kaiba for him?  She is brave too!

            Finally, Tea can only come to one conclusion: _she is two feet taller than Yugi!_  Yes, poor Yugi, destined forever to live the life of a singing midget from Wizard of Oz!

            Tea sits on a bench outside her charming little dance studio, Tea thinks and thinks.  But she cannot find anyway to make herself shorter besides chopping off her legs, which, she decides, would not be terribly attractive.  She absently pictures Yugi marrying some tiny hobbit-person like that horrible little Rebecca, and gasps with horror.  Somehow she must make Yugi taller!  And with this decision, Tea sets off on her quest.

            Mai browses through tube tops at the mall, sneering at their incompetent designs.  She is shocked to see Yugi and Tea enter the shoe section at her left.

Yugi:  Um, Tea, I really like my sneakers.

Tea:  Oh Yugi!  You really should try something new.  Haven't you ever noticed how cool Yami looks in his boots?

Yugi:  I guess…

Tea:  And look at this pair!  Aren't they GREAT?

Yugi:  Uh, well, those are twenty-inch heels…

Tea: All the better!

Mai: (coming up to them and speaking perkily) Hello Tea.  What's up, kiddo?

Tea: (snarling) Shouldn't you be shopping for lingerie, Mai?  I _think_ you could use some.

Yugi:  (innocently) What do you think of these boots, Mai?  And, Tea, what's lingerie?

Mai:  Frankly speaking, you would have to be a moron, or at least as fashionably challenged as Pegasus, to buy those ridiculous boots.

Tea:  (through clenched teeth) You really should get some new shoes yourself, Mai, with those heels of yours, you might just trip one day ON ACCIDENT and fall off a cliff you be smashed to smithereens, or stumble into traffic and get plastered to a speeding bus or tumble into a tank of ravenous piranhas or…

Mai:  Why, look at the time!  I'm late for my hair appointment.  Stay away from female dogs, Yugi!  See ya, kiddo.

(She leaves)

Yugi:  But I like dogs!  What's wrong with girl dogs, Tea?

Tea:  (still recovering from Mai) Grrrrrmph…

Yugi:  Um, Tea…I kind of don't think I should get these boots, 'cause I might trip and fall off a cliff, or stumble into traffic or…

    Oh dear, Tea's task is much more difficult than she imagined.  But our heroine will persevere!  She cannot fail!

            Next Chapter:  Yugi is challenged to a duel!  Tea whips up a meal.  Kaiba makes phone calls!  …okay, I know it doesn't sound that exciting, but you do get to hear Joey tell and lame joke and Yami Bakura plot to enslave the world!   …well, at least tell me what you thought of this chapter!


	2. The Tainted Cookies

  Sorry, somehow I switched from present tense to past tense (you probably won't notice unless you're acing English).  It does get a little funnier.  PLEASE review.  Tell me if I should up the rating to PG. Chapter 2:  The Tainted Cookies 

   Tea searched the web that night for the solution to her problem.  She finally came to a site that looked appealing and ordered three liters of ShonGongKuFu's  Miracle Growth Elixir Guaranteed to Raise Your Height!  It cost a pretty penny, of course, but she got half off shipping when she ordered an adorable pink hair tie also.

            The very next day after school, where yet ANOTHER new person was introduced to the class only to fall hopelessly in love with one of the Yu-Gi-Oh! characters, Tea presented Yugi with her homemade oatmeal cooks.

Joey:  Awww…fo me?

Tea: No!  They're for Yugi, you ghetto-mouthed moron!

Bakura: Oh!  How delightfully clever!  She pressed the imprint of a triangle into each of them.

Tristan:  Does Yugi like triangles?

Tea:  It's his millennium puzzle, idiot!  Honestly Tristan, if you didn't cheat on your homework you'd be in special ed by now!

Bakura: (under his breath) Whew!  Somebody's been staying up too late ironing out her bloody mini-skirt.

Tea: (roaring) WHAT DID YOU SAY, BAKURA?

Bakura: Er, Somebody should spend more time ironing out Mai, that bloody flirt!

Tea: So you heard about the incident at the mall!

Yugi:  She told me to stay away from female dogs…very mysterious.  Do you think she's psychic after all, Joey?

(Joey bursts into laughter)

Tea: (annoyed) Okay Yugi, are you going to eat your cookies already?

Yugi:  I don't know Tea, Yami says I should start cutting down on the sweets or I'll turn into a butterball like Grandpa.  According to him I should eat roasted gazelle and drink plenty of Egyptian wine.

Tea: (seriously annoyed) What does that stick figure know about food?  I bet he's anorexic.

Joey: Hey, hey, hey!  I'll eat da cookies if Yug don't want 'em.

Tea has a sudden mental image of Joey wolfing down the whole plate and growing to the size of Godzilla as he roams the streets of Tokyo, tipping over buildings and smashing people, in his quest to eat everything in sight.

Tea: Ummm…I'll just throw this batch away.  I think I might have slipped some arsenic into them by mistake.  Sorry guys.

  Out of nowhere, Seto Kaiba stalks out to confront the group.

Yugi and Co: (with awe) Ah!

Kaiba:  I make this quick.  Yugi, Mokuba wants to duel you.  I've helped him with his deck and he wants to challenge you again.

Yugi:  Golly Kaiba!  Sure I'll duel Mokuba.  Do you want me to go easy on him?

Kaiba: (coldly) Don't insult me or my brother, Yugi.  He's as good a duelist as your little pet Chihuahua there!

Joey:  Where?  I ain't seeing any dogs…

Tea:  Is that real leather you're wear—I mean…(she switches into auto-cheerleader mode) BACK OFF KAIBA!  We believe in you, Yugi!  You have what it takes to win!  You have to believe in yourself!

Yugi:  Gee, Tea, it's okay.  I'll duel Mokuba, it'll be heaps of fun. (grins happily)

Kaiba: (curtly) 6:00 pm at Kaiba Land.  We'll be waiting for you. (stalks off again)

Bakura:  Maybe you should feed HIM some arsenic cookies, Tea.

Joey:  Hey!  Wayda minute!  Was he talking 'bout me?  I ain't no dog, Kaiba!

Yugi: Watch out for the female ones, Joey.

            A few hours later, Yugi was dueling little Mokuba in an arena at Kaiba Land.  Mokuba was playing well, but Yami was out of the puzzle and he wouldn't let the hairy little kid get the upper hand.

            Suddenly, Mokuba made a really good move.  (I don't know what cards he has so I can't really describe the duel, sorry!  He played a short duel with Yugi at the Duelist Kingdom, but he used some other kid's deck) Yami was forced to furrow his brow and seep into deep reflection.  Yugi's friends were used to this by now.  They had learned that when he furrowed his brow, and stared blankly at the cards he was battling inwardly, and he wouldn't be making a move for some time.

            Mokuba wandered off to buy some candy bars from the snack machine while his ravishingly handsome older brother, Kaiba, made business calls on his cell phone.  (Sorry people, it just popped out!)

            Joey was telling Tristan one of his pathetic jokes, but Tristan was falling asleep.

Joey:  When is da wine not da wine?

Tristan:  Mrmph

Joey: When it's Pegasus's Finest Fruit Juice!  Neh-heh-heh!

Tristan: Zzzzzzzzz

            Meanwhile, Yami Bakura has come out to watch and is secretly plotting his mischief!

Y. Bakura: Now, how could I get Yugi's millennium puzzle?  Maybe if I tripped him…but no, how would I get it off his neck?  His hair is too big!  Perhaps I could challenge him to a duel in the Shadow Realm…no, he already beat me.  I know!  I'll kidnap his grandfather and seal his soul inside a card, start a dueling tournament on an island, make him fight other players for star chips, and then duel Kaiba for the souls of all the …no, that would take too long.  Curses!  If only I was an eccentric millionaire!

Yami Yugi:  now if I played my Dark Magician in defense mode, but no, he has that card…but if I used reborn the monster to…oh, that won't work either!  This *%$#@^* "Heart of the Cards" trick had better come through, Yugi!  I'm not about to get beaten by someone shorter than YOU!

            Will Yugi/Yami win his duel?  Will Yami Bakura get the puzzle?  Will Mokuba get a cavity from all that sugar?  Will an unsuspecting gecko eat Tea's cookies and terrorize Tokyo?  Will Kaiba seal his boring business deal?

            The excitement is unbearable!  Keep reading!


	3. Yami Gets An Attitude

Thank you, everyone who took the time to read and review.  Aqua, this is a longer chapter!

  I'm sorry but Mokuba has to lose this duel.  Yugi is the star of the show and he always wins, no matter what happens.  (Well, the only duel I've seen him lose was to Kaiba and that didn't really count)

  Oh yeah, apologies to my fellow Kaiba fangirls but I have to bash him at least a little, or else it wouldn't be fair to the rest of the characters L  Shadi makes a brief appearance, but is not well received. 

Chapter 3 : Yami Gets An Attitude

            Back at the Kaiba Corp dueling arena, Yami had finally made up his mind.  He was going to play a spectacular, astounding move that would destroy Mokuba's life points completely.

  However, Mokuba hadn't yet returned from his trip to the vending machine.

Mokuba:  (from far away) Big brother!  Big brother! Help!  The machine won't give me my candy bars!

Kaiba: (leaps from his seat) I'M COMING, MOKUBA!

Kaiba rushes down the hall to confront the vending machine.  He does a super-cool kung-fu move and smashes out all the glass.

Mokuba:  Yay! You are the best big brother.  Now I get all the candy I want!

Kaiba:  What incompetent moron owns these machines, anyway? (thinks a minute)  Oh yeah…I do… (looks mournfully at the damage)

            Finally they all get back to the arena and Yami makes his wonderful, stupendous move and wins the duel with his usual flair.

Yami:  Take that, evildoer!…oops, I mean…good job, Mokuba!

Mokuba:  Aw, man, I lost!

Kaiba: But you played like a master, Mokuba.  You only lost because Yugi's the star of the show and he never loses, even in the worst circumstances, and he would look like a moron in the dueling arena if it weren't for that stupid puzzle and—

Yami:  Hey!  Yugi is…(he stops and thinks) Well, now that you mention it…I'm the one who's doing all the work on the show, but do they call it "Ya-Mi-Yu-Gi-Oh"?  NO!  I NEVER get the credit I deserve.  That kid would be trapped in a soul card if it weren't for me!

Tea:  Um, Yami, shouldn't you switch minds with Yugi now?

Yami: (snarls) WHY SHOULD I?  That ungrateful twerp!  I've won practically every duel for him, and what do I get?  He says, "You're not dueling any more cause you were willing to hurt Kaiba," Well, I ask you, WHO ISN'T?

Tea:  Yami—

Yami:  And you shut up!  If it weren't for your sweet and caring intervention, Kaiba would be fish nibbles by now!  We would have gotten into the castle a lot sooner and I wouldn't even be dueling this hairy little punk cause he'd still be stuck in a soul card!

Kaiba:  I don't usually murder my enemies in the presence of my brother or his pitifully innocent little friends, but for your case, I'll make an exception.

Yami:  Look here, Neo, you can strut around in your trench coat all you want but I'M the most important character on the show, AND the most powerful!  I should own my own millennium item!

Yami Bakura: (mutters) Dream on, scarecrow pharaoh!

Suddenly, and without warning, Shadi appears, rising from the ground.  His dark eyes fix on the form of Yami.

Shadi: (In his annoying, phony accent)  It has come to my attention that there is a conflict over a certain millennium item and it is my job to—

Tea:  Who the heck are you, and what are you doing here?

Yami Bakura: Millennium item hoarder!

Joey:  You're da punk who snoops into people's minds!

Yami:  GET LOST, FREAK!

Shadi:  (sulkily) Well, fine! (he sinks back down into the ground)

Yami:  I never liked him…So where was I?  Oh yes, Kaiba should get normal clothes and stop stalking around like he owns his own company!

Bakura:  Well, actually…

Mokuba:  Jerk!  You leave my brother alone!

Yami:  You want to get banished to the shadow realm, kid?  Shaddup!

Bakura:  Er, not to insult your endless power or wisdom, oh Great One, but Kaiba is looking rather as though he might smash your face into the bloody control panel, and might I suggest that you switch out to let Yugi take the pain?

Yami: (looks at Kaiba's tall, powerful figure) Oh, %@#*!!! (retreats to soul room)

Yugi:  Wow, great duel, huh?

Everyone else: (sweatdrops)

Tea: Um, Yugi, did you hear what he was saying about you?

Yugi:  Yami?  Yeah, he wants the show named after him.  I'll have to talk to my agent about it.  Yami helped me out a lot; he deserves some credit.

Tea:  Aw, he's so sweet!

Joey:  Whada great guy!

Bakura:  Jolly good fellow

Yami Bakura:  Gullible twerp

Kaiba: Moron

Mokuba:  Huh?

Tristan: Zzzzzzzz

   Kaiba helps Mokuba on with his coat and they prepare to leave.

Mokuba:  I can't believe I lost. (scowls cutely)

Kaiba:  Never mind, Mokuba.  Let's ditch these losers and fly to Disney World on my private jet.

Mokuba:  Yay!

Tea:  Hah!  Losers, huh?  Kaiba, Yugi is twice the man, you'll ever be.

Kaiba: (laughs) You just keep thinking that, Tea.

Tea: Humph!

Bakura:  Actually, Tea, if you stacked two Yugis on top of each other, they'd still be six inches shorter than Kaiba.

Tea: (subsides to growling)

Kaiba: (sarcastically) Don't worry, Yugi, I can get discount stilts for you, just say the word.

Joey:  Hey!  You dissen my pal?

Yugi:  Um, thanks Kaiba, but—

Tea: (seizes the idea)  Actually Kaiba, that would be great!  How soon can you get them?

Kaiba:  I was joking, you annoying, repulsive, mindless, moronic female.

Yugi:  Tea, why are you so determined to make me taller?

Tea:  (thinks as fast as she can, which takes several minutes!)  Erm…uh…I was thinking of you working at the Game Shop…um…high shelves…getting stuff…up high…uh…

Yugi: (extremely relieved)  Oh!  So that's it!  My Grandpa has ladders, Tea, high ladders, and when I climb up them I can reach things.  No problem.  Okay?

Tea: (through clenched teeth) What a relief.  I NEVER would have thought of it.  That's great.  Really great.

Yugi: (happily)  Well!  I'm sure glad we got that worked out!  Huh, Tea?

Tea:  So glad.  Obscenely glad.  So glad I could scream.

Yugi: (cheerfully)  That's great Tea!  I'm happy too!

Kaiba:  Mokuba, if I ever start to understand these people, you have my permission to shoot me.

            So they all leave Kaiba Land, and the Kaiba brothers drive off to their private jet.  Everyone else is leaving, but Yami Bakura manages to corner Yugi to talk with him alone, away from his slightly less gullible friends.

Yami Bakura:  Ahem, Yugi, I was wondering if I could borrow that charming millennium puzzle of yours…perhaps…

Yugi:  What for, Bakura?

Yami Bakura:  Um…er…a…science project, of sorts.  I'm studying…something.

Yugi: (beaming) Why, sure, Bakura!  How could I refuse my friend?

Y. Bakura:  WHAT?!!

Yugi:  Well, I know you'll take care of it, but you must watch out for Yami.

Yami Bakura:  You're just…giving it to me?

Yugi:  He hates Fruit Loops, but Lucky Charms is okay, 'cause he likes the little star marshmallows.  And don't let him get away with that, "Pharaohs don't go to school" crap, because I read up on it, and they took lessons too!

Y. Bakura:  (stares with mouth hanging open)

Yugi:  Well, don't let him watch Power Rangers because he gets really hyper.  And if you turn on Mucha Lucha, he might throw the TV out the window.  It's happened before.

Yami Bakura: (stares with petrified face)

Yugi:  His all time favorite show is Power Puff Girls, but we try not to encourage him to watch it because he has this crush on Buttercup that's really annoying!  Oh, and be sure to read him a story before he goes to sleep, or he'll keep you up all night.  Don't forget anything, okay?

Y. Bakura:  (sweatdrop) Yami…

Yugi:  Yeah, he tries to act all tough, but he's really a sensitive little guy. (unclasps his puzzle and gives it to a shocked Yami Bakura) Here you go, have fun!  I hope you get a good grade. (Leaves to join his friends)

Y. Bakura: (stares at puzzle) I can't believe it!  The Millennium puzzle is mine, thanks to that idiotic mortal. (stares for a little longer)  And Yami watches…eeheeheehee!(breaks into hysterical laughter) A bedtime story…Ahahahahaaa!...

            Oh no!  Bakura has three millennium items!  He could wreak havoc on the world!  What will happen to Tea, Yugi, Joey…and everyone else I'm too lazy to mention?  Will Yami miss his TV shows?  Will Mokuba be too scared to go on the big rides at Disney World?  Is Tea defeated in her quest

            Can Yami Bakura be defeated?  Yugi has a secret weapon that might just save the day and make up for his stupid, idiotic decision that caused the mess in the first place! 


	4. The Pokemon Disaster!

Okay people, I upped the rating to PG because I just found out that "bloody" is not the innocent British slang I thought it to be.  Whoops!  Sorry.  Well, Bakura's the only one who says it and he won't be in this chapter.

I'm sorry I got off track with Tea's quest.  Originally I had intended the story to end with chapter 3, when Yami Bakura takes over the world, but I decided it wouldn't be very funny or popular with the readers.  If you prefer it that way, you can stop reading but I will try to get back to Tea at the end.

            Okay, one more thing, Pokemon fans beware!  Yugi can be brutal when his ratings are threatened.

Disclaimer:  I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, X-men, Pokemon, PowerPuff Girls, or any other shows I mention.  Nor do I own any of the charming breakfast cereals mentioned in the last chapter.

Chapter 4:  The Pokemon Disaster!

            Yugi and Co. are crowded around a TV at the Game Shop watching a news broadcast.

Announcer:  Reports have come in today that a young man by the name of Ryou Bakura has taken over several islands off the coast of Japan and is preparing for a major strike on our country.  He seems to possess strange powers and is considered extremely dangerous.

Tea:  Not Bakura!  He seemed so sweet.

Tristan:  I thought I got rid of that evil ring spirit thingy.

Joey:  Yeah, but why did he wait so long ta get out?

Solomon:  Yugi, maybe Yami can help us.  He knows a lot about all that ancient Egyptian spirits stuff.  Why don't you ask him?

Yugi: (innocently) Well, actually I loaned my puzzle to Bakura 'cause he needed it for this science project he's working on.

Everyone else:  WHAT!?!

Tea:  You gave your puzzle to BAKURA?  No wonder he got so ambitious.  Oh, Yugi, why do you have to be so nice?

Yugi: (scolding) Really Tea! You have no faith in people.  I'm sure he'll return it when he's done.  I wouldn't want him to get a bad grade.

Tea: (sweatdrop)

Solomon:  What's that noise?

Outside the Game Shop, a sleek, black jet sets down on the pavement.  Out of it steps Seto Kaiba, and right behind him is Mokuba.

Yugi and Co: (with awe) Ah!

Joey:  Hey, isn't dat da X-Jet?

Kaiba:  How perceptive of you, Joey.  Yes it is.  I er, borrowed it from some friends of mine.  But right now I need to speak with Yami, if that is possible.

Tristan: (grinning) Ha!  You can't! Yugi was an idiot and gave the puzzle to Bakura.  Heehee!

Kaiba:  WHAT?

Yugi: (sullenly) Golly, doesn't anyone here have faith in basic human goodness?

Kaiba: (gives him a look)

Yugi: (bitingly) Well, of course YOU wouldn't.

Tea:  Okay, enough of that.  So, Seto, do you have a plan?

Kaiba:  I was planning on asking Yami if he knew any weaknesses in Bakura's spirit, or if he might challenge the spirit to a duel, like he did before.

Yugi: (smugly) And you can't?

Kaiba:  Unlike you, Yugi, I do not have a spirit to battle for me and I would not last in the Shadow Realm without one. (cuttingly) Oh that's right, you don't have one any more either!

Tristan:  Enough already!  Let's just get on the X-Jet and fly over to kick Bakura's butt!

(Yugi and Co. all dash into the jet)

Kaiba: Hey!  I never said you could—

Mokuba: Oh, just let them go, Seto.  It might be fun.

Kaiba: (bitterly) And driving nails into my head would be even more fun!

All the characters are crowded into the X-Jet so they start discussing a plan.

Kaiba: There's no way we can challenge Bakura without a millennium item.

Yugi:  Oh!  If only I had my puzzle.  I miss Yami. (he starts to cry)

WHACK!  Suddenly the puzzle smacks against the windshield of the jet.

Kaiba:  Is that…?

Yugi:  (joyously) My puzzle!  Yami heard me and came when I called! (AN: I know this would never happen in the show, but Bakura got his Ring back, didn't he?  I'm exercising my author powers!)

Joey: (runs out and gets it) Here ya go, Yug.  Good as new. (Yugi puts it on)

Yami: (grandly) I have returned.  What great adventure awaits us, friends?

Yugi:  (Inwardly speaking) I'm so glad you're back!  Did you miss me?

Yami: Are you kidding?  That freak, Bakura, already had a yami and he was a jerk!  They NEVER let me watch PowerPuff Girls and the food was awful!

Yugi: Well, now we need you to 'do something.  Can you duel Bakura for us?  We need to stop him from taking over the world.

Yami: (pulls up a list) Let me see, I have some demands that must first be satisfied.

Yugi: (quickly) No Power Rangers and no coffee!  I won't have bouncing off the walls again!

Yami: (scoffs) Don't be ridiculous.  I want the show to be named after me.

Yugi: (relieved) Oh! That's no problem!  I found out it's already named after you.

Yami: Huh?

Yugi:  You said that you were called Yu-Gi-Oh, which means King of Games.  So I guess it is your name!  Just read this review from lily22. (pulls out review)

Yami: (happily) Yay!  My own show! (gets a sly look) So now I get to make another demand!

Yugi: Hey!  That's not fair.

Yami:  I want to see the PowerPuff Girls.

Yugi: (grumbling) Fine, but only once a week.

Yami:  No, I want to MEET the PowerPuff Girls!

Yugi: (Out loud now) You can't meet them!  The PowerPuff Girls are cartoon characters, Yami!  _They're not real!_

While Yugi and Yami had been arguing inside Yugi's head, the others had gotten bored and waiting for Yugi to stop staring blankly at the wall when they heard him say, "You can't meet them! The PowerPuff Girls are cartoon characters, Yami! _They're not real_!"

Everyone else: (sweatdrops)

Mokuba: (frightened) If cartoon characters aren't real…!

Joey:  Don't say dat, Yug!  Every time you do, a Pokemon dies!

Yugi: (excited) Really? THEY'RE NOT REAL! THEY'RE NOT REAL! THEY'RE NOT REAL!

(AN: We are witnessing the brutally jealous side of little Yugi, who hates to share his anime popularity with anyone.)

Tea: (shocked) Yugi!

Kaiba:  Relax, midget.  My newest development in technology allows me to transport the X-Jet to the city of Townsville in a matter of minutes.  If that's what he wants, your yami will get his fill of the PowerPuff Girls.

Tea: (suspiciously) How did you know the setting of the show, Kaiba?  Do YOU watch PowerPuff Girls?

Kaiba: (turns red) Who, me? What are you talking about?!  I only see it when Mokuba's got the TV on!

Mokuba: (confidingly) He likes the one in the green dress.

Yami:  Hey!  She's mine!

Kaiba:  Dream on, shorty.  (Pulls lever)

The X-Jet goes flying through the cartoon universe, but all that its occupants can see is a multi-colored blur.  Several minutes go by before anything happens.

Mokuba: How did you get this jet anyway, Seto?

Kaiba: Oh, I just hacked into the X-men's computer mainframe and managed to hijack it from their hanger.  Do you know what the password was? Charles Xavier.  That Professor X thinks he's so smart!

Tea:  I think we just landed somewhere.

The screen clears and the gang sees that they have landed on a level, grassy area with several people and strange creatures standing around.

Yami:  This doesn't look like Townsville, Kaiba!

Kaiba: (heatedly) I'd like to see you design an inter-universe transporter, pipsqueak!

They get out of the jet to meet a tearful, dark-haired boy wearing a baseball cap and fingerless gloves.

Joey:  Hey, kid!  Why ya crying?

Boy:  Three Pokemon have been mysterious killed today!  We have no idea what's happening!

The YuGiOh Gang: (sweatdrops)

Yugi:  Hey!  You're Ash from Pokemon!  My worst enemy!  You steal my ratings and kids buy your cards instead of mine!  Dieeeeee! (Runs at Ash)

Joey: (catches Yugi with the help of Tristan) Uh, sorry about dat, kid.

Yugi: (snarling) Has been!  Nobody likes you anymore!  You're on your way out!

Ash: (smirks) Well, I don't see YOU GUYS making any movie lately!

Yugi:  ARRRRRRRRRG!  You'll pay for that! THEY'RE NOT REAL! THEY'RE NOT REAL!

            Without warning, and to the horror of most everyone there, Pikachu keels over and Charmander drops like a fly.

Ash: NOOOOO! Pikachu! (picks up the small, lifeless body) Waaahaaahaaa!

Misty:  (under her breath) Yes! Now maybe he'll forget about that little sparking twerp and pay more attention to me!

Yugi: MWUHAHAHA!!! Now where are your ratings, you pathetic little fools?  Who's going to watch your show or buy your cards NOW?

Kaiba: Um, I think we'd better go, huh guys?

(They scramble back into the X-Jet, barely escaping the mob of distraught trainers and their furious Pokemon)

Kaiba: Okay, let's try this again. (pulls lever)

The view again transfers to a multi-colored blur.  Finally it clears and they find themselves in the middle of a city.

Yami: (he switched minds to keep Yugi from murdering any more innocent Pokemon) Well, this could be Townville.

Mokuba:  I don't think so.  It looks too real.

Tristan:  Hey, someone's coming up to the jet.  Its…

Joey: Alright! It's da X-men!  I've always wanted ta meet dem!

Tea:  Um, Joey, we just arrived in their stolen jet.  Do you think that might be a problem, Kaiba?

Kaiba: #$%@!

Mokuba:  I think he does.

Oh no!  Is this the end for our gang?  How can they stand up to the awesome powers of the X-men?  Will Buttercup like Kaiba or Yami better?  And why the heck does Ash wear gloves with the fingers cut off?

Next Chapter: We meet the PowerPuff Girls and something strange happens at Pikachu's funeral!  Will Yugi's secret weapon be revealed?  It depends on how far I get.  Thank you everyone for reviewing!  I love you all!


	5. IT'S NOT A NECKLACE!

  Sorry I haven't updated in a while.  School is driving me insane, and I had to bury my goldfish *sniffs*.  Anyway, thanks to all by beautiful, wonderful reviewers and extra special thanks to "crayon" and "Lil Bre" who put me on their Favorite Authors list!            Somebody asked me where I come up with this stuff.  Have you even lain in bed for hours without approaching sleep or woken up at two am in the morning and lain awake forever?  That's when I get most of my fiction ideas. (Which probably explains how weird they are)

            Actually, most of my stories are pretty serious.  This is my first attempt at crazy humor and I'm loving it!

  Warning:  I have watched X-men : Evolution, and have seen the movie, but I'm far from being an X-pert (heheh!) so forgive any errors that I will probably make.

Chapter 5:  IT'S NOT A NECKLACE!

In the stolen X-Jet, the Yu-Gi-Oh gang watches the approach of the ship's real owners, the famed superheroes known as the X-men.

Jean Grey:  Hey, isn't that our X-Jet?

Rogue:  Uh, DUH! When did you figure that out, angel girl?

Scott (Cyclops):  Really, Rogue, be nice to Jean, she might be a little slow, but I like her anyway (AN: for reasons none of us can comprehend!).

Jean:  What are you talking about?  I'm the fastest player on the team!

Beast: (grumbling) I can't believe I have to wear these little undies…

Wolverine:  Shut up ya'll!  We're supposed to be checking out our jet!

(They shut up)

Storm:  Um, should we change into our suits?

Wolverine:  Well…I guess… (They all leave and appear a few seconds later, fully suited up.)

Jean: (perkily) I love it when we do that!

Storm:  Yeah, they always harp over our combat superpowers, but no one ever mentions our super-fast dressing abilities!

Jean: Our culture has become too violence-orientated.

Rogue: (caustically) Yeah, we should forget about stopping the bad guys and pay more attention to dressing with style and winning soccer trophies.

Jean:  I won those fair and square! (tosses her hair defiantly)

Rogue:  Yeah, and that ball ricocheting off the heads of five players to make a goal was _one hundred percent_ athletic effort.

Wolverine:  Are we going to stop talking now and INVESTIGATE the JET?!!

Beast:  I can't _believe_ I have to wear these little undies…

Inside the object in question, Yugi and Co., along with the Kaiba brothers observed the X-men squabble, disappear, reappear dressed in spandex, and squabble some more.

Mokuba:  What's going to happen to us?

Tea:  Oh, I'm so scared.  Pull the lever, Kaiba!

Kaiba:  The inter-matter-transmitter has to recharge between flights.  There's nothing I can do.

Yami: (pouting) I want the PowerPuff Girls.

Joey:  Oh, yeah! Spandex!

Tristan:  You are a sick…(sees Storm in spandex)…Woo-hoo!

Rogue:  Okay, you freaky creeps.  You are obviously not very smart criminals to bring the jet back to the place it came from!

Everyone: (Glares accusingly at Kaiba)

Kaiba:  Hey, would you rather be back with the Pokemon people?

(Wolverine unsheathes his claws and Jean wrenches at the door with her mind power)

Joey:  Um, yeah…

Tea:  Wait!  We surrender!  Don't hurt us!

Kaiba:  Come and fight, you fools!

Jean:  (pulls at the door) Ah!  I chipped a nail!  I'm not perfect anymore!

Scott:  Of course you are!  You're always perfect, Jean!

Rogue: (disgusted) _Somebody_ gag me.

Wolverine:  (Wrenches open the door) Are ya ready ta stand and take yer medicine, ya jet-swipin' evildoers?

Charles Xavier:  Wait!  Do not harm them!

Scott:  Hey, where did you come from?

Xavier:  Erm, I was just strolling in the park.

(Everyone looks at his wheelchair)

Xavier:  Uh, I mean, _rolling_ in the park, heheh.  Slip of the tongue.

Joey:  Someten's screwy here…

Storm:  We were just dealing with the thieves who stole our jet, Professor.  What do you think should be done with them?

Xavier:  Well, first, take the tall, handsome, blue-eyed one to my apartments at the institute (AN:  This is not what you think!)  And then I want the scrawny one's necklace thing.

Yami: (offended) Necklace!?!  It is a MILLENNIUM ITEM, you ignorant mortal.  I could banish your soul to the Shadow Realm if it so pleased me!  The Eye of Ra is on you!

Xavier:  Oh, and take away his drugs too.

Joey: (sees Beast) Whoa, Yug!  Somebody wi' weirder hair den you!

Beast: (sulkily) At least YOU don't have to run around in your underpants!

Yami: (to Professor X) You think you can fool the Great Pharaoh by changing your skin?  Reveal yourself, Deceiver!

Xavier: (gleefully) Okay. (changes into Mystique)

Kaiba:  Crap.  I _hate_ it when she does that.

Joey:  Ahhh!  And I thought da other dude's outfit was ugly!

Mokuba:  (to the X-men) Why are you all surprised?  She does this like every episode!

Mystique:  The powerful, blue-eyed one shall be mine!  And the magical necklace thing will lead me to greatness!

Yami:  IT'S NOT A NECKLACE!

Kaiba: Hey, look!  Isn't that the Saber Tooth guy?

Wolverine: (snarls) WHERE? (turns to look)

(Kaiba shoves the Wolverine into Mystique and the other X-men, pushes the Yugioh people back into the jet, and slams the door shut)

Kaiba:  Mokuba!  The lever!

Mokuba pulls the lever and the X-Jet zooms away again, into the chaos of the cartoon universe.  Back in Bayville, the X-men watch it leave and start to squabble all over again.

Rogue:  I can't believe you fell for that, Wolverine!

Jean: (crying) My nail!  My nail!

Scott: There, there, Jean.  I still love you!

Mystique:  I will destroy you all!

Beast:  Somebody call the apparel department!  I can't believe I have to go out in my undies!

Meanwhile in the X-Jet, The Yu-Gi-Oh gang is recovering from their brush with danger.

Joey:  I dunno why she would want Kaiba!  I'm _much_ better lookin'!

Kaiba: (rolls his eyes) Actually, Joey, you're a real dog.

Tristan: (cracks up) Eheheheh!  Good one, Kaiba.

Joey:  Hey!  Watch it, pal!

Tea: I wonder where we will end up this time.

Yami: (pouting) If I don't get to meet the PowerPuff girls, I'm _not_ dueling Bakura!

Mokuba:  Hey, I think we're stopping now.

The X-Jet sets down in another city environment, except that the buildings are pink, purple, and blue, and heavily outlined.  It must be…TOWNSVILLE!

Narrator:  And now in the peaceful city of Townsville, some strange, new characters arrive in a stolen jet, from another carton world.

Joey:  Hey!  We borrowed the X-Jet!

Narrator:  Whatever.  Anyway, the PowerPuff Girls got wind of the arrival and immediately flew over to confront the dangerous newcomers!

Tea:  We're not dangerous!  We're not going to hurt anybody!

Kaiba: Speak for yourself.  If he doesn't shut up, I'm going to find that bodiless voice and choke it off.

Narrator:  Erp!  Okay, I'm shutting up.  Kids, just watch the show for crying out loud!

(The PowerPuff Girls come flying onto the scene)

Yami: (overcome) Oh!  It can't be!  Blossom, Bubbles, and my darling, butt-kicking Buttercup!  Yugi was wrong!  They ARE real!  THEY'RE REAL!  YAY!

*Scene Change*  Back in Pokemon World, or whatever it's called, the trainers were holding a funeral for the beloved Pikachu.

Ash:  (Sniffling) Oh, you were always my favorite Pokemon, Pikachu!

(All his other Pokemon glare at him)

Suddenly and unexpectedly, just as Yami says the magic words, Pikachu pops out of his coffin and looks around in surprise.

Pikachu:  Pika?

Ash:  PIKACHU!  YOU'RE ALIVE! (Hugs him in a death grip)  Oh!  I thought you were gone forever!

Pikachu: (choking)…Pi….ka….!

Misty: (in shock) He's alive? (under her breath)  Dang it!!!

            What a surprise!  Who knew that Beast hated his brief costume!  And what will Jean do about her nail?  Will the PowerPuff Girls welcome the Yu-Gi-Oh people or kick their butts into the next dimension?

            Apologies to all the people who were happy when Pikachu died.  First I manage to offend all the Pokemon fans by killing him in Chap 4.  Now I get to offend all the Anti-Pokemon people who were so glad to see him dead!  Personally, I am NOT a Pokemon fan, but I think Pikachu is kind of cute.  Sorry.

            Next Chapter:  Yami asks Buttercup to marry him and Yugi unleashes his secret weapon.  Will they be able to take Yami Bakura down?  Will Tea _ever_ make Yugi taller?  I'll try to end it next chapter, but don't count on it.  This story has gone on longer than I thought it would!  Keep reading and reviewing!


	6. Mojo Jojo's Life Philosophy

Well, let's see if I can finish this story this time.  If not, **lily22** gets her wish and it goes on.

Special note to **PIcaRDMPC** who asked me not to make the PowerPuff Girls part too stupid: Please do not be offended by my traitorous mocking of the shows I love.  I think PowerPuff Girls is really cute and I only bash it because I like it, just like I did with Yu-Gi-Oh! and X-men.  The whole point of this story is to humiliate the characters we love and hate.  And the fact that your best comment on my story was "Interesting" does not make me feel terribly guilty for not acting upon your request.  (Ouch! That sounded really mean, didn't it?  Um, sorry!)  You don't have to read this chapter.

On a lighter note: **Mistress Midnight **and** lily22** put me on their favorites so I now have FOUR people who consider me one of their favorite authors!  *grins like an idiot*

I didn't get a lot of reviews from the last chapter, but at least people are reading this _even if not all of them are reviewing_ (Hint! Hint!)  Thankfully, I only got one review from a distraught Pikachu hater (whew!)

  I have no idea what I am going to write in this chapter so I'm just going to start typing.

Enjoy!

Chapter 6: Mojo Jojo's Life Philosophy 

Back in the city of Townsville, the Yu-Gi-Oh people have no idea that Yami had inadvertently brought Pikachu back to life.  They are quite occupied at the moment, watching the PowerPuff Girls hover above them.

Blossom:  Hey, who the heck are you guys and what are you doing here?

Bubbles:  Really, Blossom, there's no reason to be so rude.  Shouldn't we welcome them graciously?

Buttercup: (gruffly) Try anything funny and I'll zap you into next Tuesday.

Yami: (gushing) Oh, my lovely, amazing Buttercup!  You must be mine, you must!

Tea:  Um, we just came here to let Yami meet you.  He's, well, quite a fan!

Blossom: (crossing her arms) Autograph signings and meet-and-greets are specially scheduled.  Call our manager on weekdays between nine and four and perhaps we can arrange something.

Bubbles:  Geez, Blossom, do you have to be so snobby?

Joey:  Hey!  How come you guys don' have any fingas?

Yami: (gets down on his knees) Marry, my sweet and I shall cherish you for the rest of my life!

Tea: (horrified) Yami!  Shouldn't you discuss this with Yugi first?  I mean, YOU ARE SHARING HIS BODY!

Kaiba:  This is _way_ too weird.

Mokuba:  Yeah, why _don't_ they have any fingers?

Blossom:  I am NOT snobby.  I simply take charge.  And Buttercup should not be going around accepting proposals before she finishes kindergarten!

Buttercup:  You are _too_ snobby!  You always boss me around and actually I'm getting kind of sick of it!

Joey:  And now dat I think 'bout it…dey don't have no noses either!

Kaiba:  Oh the horror.

Yami:  Marry me, Buttercup!  I will banish all your enemies to the Shadow Realm and buy you new clothes so you don't have to wear the same dress every episode!  You can even torture the spirit of the kid whose body I share!

Tea: (shrieks) Yami!  I thought you were a good guy!

Yami: (rolls his eyes) Whatever.  Just don't give me any friendship speeches for crying out loud!  I practically gagged last time in the middle of my duel when you started ranting and raving about believing myself, and all that crap.

Bubbles: (sees Mokuba) Oh! Who are you? (giggles) Do you like the color blue?  It's my favorite.  Do you want to play with me? (flutters eyelashes)

Kaiba:  Stay calm, Mokuba.  I'll shield you with my body and we'll slowly back away into the jet.

Joey: (thoughtfully) And dey don't have no toes either!  What wi' dat?

Buttercup: (to Yami) I don't know who the heck you are, weird-hair-guy, but, sheesh, I'm still in kindergarten for cripes sake!  Boys have cooties!

Yami: (crestfallen) You have rejected me? My life is over!  I have no purpose to live anymore.

Kaiba: (smugly) I _knew_ all that hair dye must have seeped into his brain.

Tea: (gleefully, to Yami) Then you can let Yugi come back, right?

Yami: (deep, dramatic sigh) Very well…(goes to languish in his soul room)

Yugi:  Hey!  Where did Ash go?  I wasn't through killing his horrible little critters!

Everyone Else Except for the Confused PowerPuff Girls: (sweatdrops)

Buttercup:  Okay.  That was weird.

Kaiba:  Um, well Yugi, you killed off all Ash's Pokemon and now his show is off the air.

Yugi:  YES!

Mokuba:  Yeah, they're only playing reruns now.

Bubbles:  Oh!  You're so adorable! (tries to hug Mokuba, but Kaiba gets in the way)

Kaiba:  Hey! Look up there!  Isn't that Mojo Jojo?

Blossom:  Hah!  You can't pull that trick on us!

Mojo Jojo:  Greetings, everyone.

PP Girls: AHHHHH!

Joey:  Hey, it's da monkey!  I love his boots!

Tristan: And his turban thing is kind of cool too.

Shadi: (rising from the ground) He stole my idea!  I'M the guy with the turban!  The entire world is against me!  I—

Everyone, Including the PP Girls: GET LOST, FREAK!!!

Shadi: (sulkily) Fine.  At least I'm taller. (sinks back into the ground)

Tea: (looks at Yugi and sighs)

Mojo:  Who was that dude, anyway?

Yugi:  Um, who are you and where did you come from, and where the heck am I?

Mojo:  Where did any of us come from?  Who are we really?  These are the questions that must be pondered.

Buttercup:  Crap!  Mojo JoJo's gotten into philosophy! (bitterly) Oh, this should be fun.

Joey: (still thinking) And how the heck does Mojo get his feet into those boots?

Kaiba: (irritated) Can we _go_ now?

Tristan: How come I don't get more lines?  I'm neglected in the show and now I'm neglected in this fic!  WHY AM I SO IGNORED?

Tea:  Well, actually, Tristan, nobody cares about you and you just tend to be forgotten.

Tristan:  Hey!  Aren't you supposed to be the nice person?

Tea: (rolls eyes) Whatever.

Mojo: It is not ours to wonder why, it is but ours to do and die.

Blossom:  Really, girls, we should be kicking Mojo's butt right now.

Mojo:  But is violence really the answer?  Peace is like a rare flower in the wasteland.  The flower grows and withers and is food for the cute little bugs.  And then the bugs breed and hatch and crawl into your underpants…

Bubbles:  Stop! Stop!

Mokuba:  Okay, I'm ready to leave now.

Joey: (still thinking) And why do all da monsters come ta Townsville?  We never get any in Domino City!

Mojo Jojo:  Are we insubstantial beings in this substantial word, or does only a transparent veil separate us from reality?  What is reality?  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Buttercup:  Let's kick his butt!

Blossom:  Well, technically he hasn't broken any rules yet.  There's no law against spouting philosophy in the streets.

Buttercup:  Crap…  Let's kick his butt anyway!

Kaiba:  I'll help you.

Mojo:  You can lead a monkey to the water but you can't make him squirt it through his teeth and let it dribble out his nose in snotty rivulets.

Bubbles: Ewww!

Mokuba:  He's using psychological warfare now.

Yugi:  Wow!  Cool.  Have you heard that song about eating worms, Mojo?  (starts singing) _Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll eat some worms!_

Blossom:  Please!  No more!  You'll send Bubbles in hysterics!

Mojo: When the blind lead the blind…somebody's bound to become road-kill.

Yugi: (still singing) _Ooey, gooey, yucky, pooey!  Come and watch them squirm!_

Bubbles: (tearfully) No! Stop!

Mojo:  A bird in the bag is better than two birds in the bush with internal parasites eating away at their intestines.

Yugi: _Bite their heads off, suck their guts out, throw their skins away!_

Bubbles: (starts sobbing) Wahaaahaaahaaaa!

Mojo: Which came first, the chicken or the scrambled egg?  Are did the Kentucky Fried Chicken guy come first and brutally butcher the chicken and fry her mutilated body for all his hungry customers?

Yugi:  _I don't see how birds can eat worms three times a day!_

Joey:  Actually, Mojo, da chicken had ta 'ave come before da egg, 'cause eggs ain't hatchin' wi'out a mama hen ta keep dem warm.  And wi'out da egg hatchin' der would be no chickens!

Tea: (shocked) Whoa.  That actually makes sense.  Who would have known Joey had it in him?

Yugi: I did!  Joey is my best friend.

Tea: Shut up, Yugi.  And I will kill you if you ever sing again!

Bubbles: (stops crying) You know, that _does_ makes sense!

Yugi: (heartbroken, looks up with sad eyes) Did you just tell me to shut up, Tea?

Mojo: (frantic) No!  It doesn't make sense!  I mean…If you think…  CURSES!!!  It does make sense!  Argggg! My devious plan is foiled!

Tea: (driven into deep guilt by Yugi's sad eyes) Oh Yugi, I didn't mean it!  I'm sorry!

Joey:  So Mojo, how do you judge da worth of a man?  By power, friends, or money?

Mojo: (pushed to his breaking point) I DON'T CARE!  Die, you horrible, pretty little PowerPuff Girls! (pulls out laser guns)

Blossom:  _Finally!_  Let's get him, girls!!! (they begin to battle Mojo)

Yugi: (watching happily) Cool.

Kaiba:  Okay, we're going now.

Mokuba: (watching) And how come they never seem to get hurt?

Joey: And why does da animal nature of man attempt da baseness of life, when his judgment shows him da way ta immaterial immortality?

Tea:  How the heck are we going to get him to stop? 

Kaiba:  Allow me.  (To Joey) Hey Joey, are you hungry?  I've got some twinkies back in the jet.

Joey: (snaps out of it) TWINKIES?  Why are we standin' 'round here fo?!! (Scrambles back into the X-Jet)

Tea: Come on, Yugi, we're leaving.  You shouldn't be watching this anyway, it's too violent.

Kaiba:  Whatever!  This kid was just murdering Pokemon!

Tea: (defensively) They were threatening his show.  He's really a sweetie at heart, aren't you, Yugi?

Yugi:  Can I get a laser gun, Tea?  My piggy bank is almost full. (Big, sad eyes) Pleeeeeeease?

Tea: (melting) Awwww!  You're so cute!

Kaiba: (pulls out his cell phone) I'm calling my therapist right now.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

  Will Tea give in and let Yugi have a laser gun?  Will Mojo Jojo ever find spiritual balance in his life?  Can our heroes stop Yami Bakura?  Will Tea EVER make Yugi taller?  And how many licks _does_ it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

 Um, sorry that was kind of confusing with everybody talking at once.  I read it over and tried to change some things but they're still interrupting each other all the time.  Also, I kind forgot part of the worm song so I just made it up.  And I haven't seen a lot of PPG eps since WB stopped showing it, so I might have made major mistakes with them.

  Next chapter:  We _finally_ get to see Yugi's secret weapon (I've been promising this for like three chapters now!) and the gang travels to Yami Bakura's secret hide-out to take him down with the most horrifying tactics imaginable!

  _Please _review.  I _love_ hearing from people!  Next chapter WILL BE THE LAST!  *crosses fingers*


	7. Return of the Tedi

            Yay!  So many reviews!  I'll try to respond to questions and comments…

**lily22**:  Yes, I have made Yugi kind of mean in this story, but that's part of the appeal.  Making characters suddenly act drastically different from what we've expected is often pretty funny, which is why there are so many fics featuring "secret videos" of one of the fierce yamis watching Barney or acting childish and Seto smooching a BEWD poster or plushie.

  Mojo Jojo was pretty pathetic in my chapter, but actually, he is my favorite character on PPG 'cause he's so overdone and funny!  "Remember: When it comes to Mojo Jojo, just say 'no-no!'"

Actually, Kaiba probably doesn't have a therapist.  I just thought that line was funny, for some reason.  Maybe he did too.

Where did I get the chicken philosophy?  I've ALWAYS thought that!  Whenever some asks, "which came first?" I'm like, _Duh_!  Maybe it's because I grew up on a farm but it always seemed pretty obvious.  No egg can hatch without a hen or an incubator to keep it warm.

Talia Ali:  Thank you so much for complimenting my writing!  I'm sorry that I misread Wolverine.  I saw in the movie when he was in Canada, but I never made the connection.  On the cartoon he seems to have a Southern accent, or at least I thought he did.  Sorry!  Oh, and I read your bio and I just have to tell you that I _love_ Guybrush Threepwood!  He's so hilarious and adorable in the Monkey Island games. 

My Wonderful Reviewers**:**

**Mistress Midnight, Joeys1fan, benign sadist, Drago, **Bunny, Tasha**, Secretkiller, **Bakurazgrl89**, Akima Avalon, PIcaRDMPC, Lil Bre, TypoNumber5, **Emerald Phoenix524, Kaibafan**, IANA, **Aesa Bast(I used your suggestion!)**, Aqua, **nmhfdfgnc, The Random One,** DragonDweller, Sailor Bijou Moon, **IceWolf 645, and the person/people who didn't write any name in: I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!  YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!  YOU'RE WONDERFUL!  THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!

Disclaimer:  Don't own Star Wars either.  Don't even own the _movies_! *sniffs*

Okay, now if I haven't scared you all away, you can read my final chapter!

*Drum Roll*

Chapter 7: Return of the Tedi

Our heroes are on board the X-Jet, sailing through the cartoon universe, while discussing the fate of the world.

Tea:  How many cartoons do we have to go through before we get back to ours?  I thought this invention was supposed to be reliable!

Kaiba:  It got us to Townsville, didn't it?

Joey:  Hey!  Where's da twinkies, Kaiba?

Kaiba:  I lied, doggy boy.  We had to get you away from pondering the fate of the universe.  Although, on second thought, it might have been a better if we had simply left you there.

Joey:  Grrrr!  I'd beat the stuffin' outta ya, cept that Tea and Mokuba are here!

Kaiba:  _Sure_ you would.

Tea:  Jeez, Joey, I'm not _that_ sensitive to violence!  I watch Kaiba kick your butt all the time!

Joey: (unhappily) Grrrrr…

Tristan:  Man, I'm bored.  You could have at _least_ installed some video games or snack machines, Kaiba!

Kaiba: (sarcastically) Bored, huh?  How about we play _Count-Tristan's-Nose-Hairs_?  Let's _see_…one…two…three…four…

Tristan:  I hate you.

Yugi: (sad) Yami won't come out of his soul room!  He says he's going to die of a broken heart, but…isn't he already dead?

Mokuba: (squinting) I think Tristan has more than four nose hairs.

Tea:  Who's going to duel Bakura, if Yami won't?  We have nothing to use against him!

Kaiba:  What we need is something really, horribly offensive to Bakura.  What's the worst thing you guys can think of, besides Tea?

Tea: (annoyed) Oh hah, _hah_, Kaiba.

Tristan:  Joey's gym socks!  They could take out a village!

Joey: (offended) How 'bout Tristan's nose hairs?  You could sweep your kitchen with them!

Tristan:  _Hey_!  

Yugi:  My Grandpa has this set of fake teeth that he accidentally dropped in the toilet once, before he flushed…

Joey: (disgusted) Whoa!  _Way_ too much information, Yug!

Tea:  How about we bring Mai up in her bathing suit to meet Bakura?  That ought to scare him out of his wits!

Joey:  Whoo-hoo!  She can scare me anytime!

Kaiba: (grumbling) All I have to do is threaten to lock Bakura in a room with you idiots and he'd probably give me anything I want!

Finally the jet lands back in Domino City and the gang has found their secret weapon, thanks to Yugi's worst memories.  So they take off again and fly off to the remote island where Yami Bakura has set up his evil headquarters.

Yami Bakura:  Ah, my plans to invade Japan are complete, now I can unleash the power of my millennium items and begin World Domination! (cackles evilly)  Let's see.  My lovely Millennium Ring, Millennium Eye, and…(gasps) No!  The Millennium Puzzle is gone!

Yugi: (from across the room) Looking for this, Bakura? (holds up puzzle)

Y. Bakura:  WHAT!?! How did you get that?  How did you get here?  This isn't the way it's supposed to happen!

Joey:  Doncha just hate dose writers?  They're always making fun of me in da show and in da fics!  I never get taken seriously!

Tea:  Shut up, Joey.  You're ruining Yugi's big moment!

Joey: (grumbling) Humph.  It's _always_ Yugi's big moment!

Yami Bakura:  Fools!  You can never stand up to the power of my items!  I shall destroy you all and then take the puzzle! (pulls out his deck)

Kaiba: Well, you can try, but we brought someone we think you'd like to meet first… (moves aside to reveal…Rebecca!)

Rebecca:  Hiyah, weirdo!  Your hair is even worse than Yugi's!

Y. Bakura: (backs away) Ahhh!  Not her!  She's a nightmare!  And that bear…

Rebecca: (brandishing her teddy bear) Idiot!  His name is Fuzzwalker now!  He's the last of the Tedi and he's about to slice you to ribbons with his buzzing sword!

Mokuba: (moving closer to Kaiba) Man, she _is_ scary!

Y. Bakura: (pulls out card) Well, Fuzzwalker, let's see how you like the graveyard!

Rebecca:  Hey!  That's MY card!  You must have stolen it! (She runs over and snatches it from his hand)

Y. Bakura: (shocked) …what?

Rebecca: (looks at card and sneers) Never, mind.  It's just a stupid Morphing Jar! (tears it up)

Yugi and Y. Bakura:  NOOOOOOO!

Kaiba: (bemused) Hey, isn't that _my_ move?

Yugi: (practically in tears) I thought I taught you about the heart of the cards, Rebecca!  Don't you to value your monsters and respect their unique abilities?

Rebecca:  Hah! (laughs annoyingly) Yeah right!  I just acted all good and nice so my Grandpa wouldn't paddle my behind!  Besides, if I don't keep on the old geezer's good side, he won't give me any more cards! (to her bear) Isn't that right, Fuzzwalker?

Everyone else: (sweatdrops)

Yami Bakura: (mournfully) My _card_!

Yugi:  Jeez, Bakura!  Relax, you've got like a dozen more Morphing Jars!

Y. Bakura: (brightens) Oh yeah, I do!

Kaiba:  But you're not going to get a chance to use them, 'cause we brought back up.  Hit it, Mokuba!

(Mokuba presses the play button on a stereo)

Stereo: (Pegasus's voice) Hey, Bakura-boy! Hey, Bakura-boy! Hey, Bakura-boy!

Y. Bakura:  No!  Not Pegasus's voice!  I'll go crazy!

Joey:  Dat's da idea, Bakura-boy!

Stereo: (Bandit Keith laughing at a high pitch) Neheheheheeheee! Eheeheeheheh!

Y. Bakura: (whimpering) Oh!  The agony!  How can he laugh like that?

Stereo: (Funny Bunny chanting) HiBakura! HiBakura! HiBakura! HiBakura! HiBakura! HiBakura!  HiBakura!

Y. Bakura: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Stereo: (Duke Devlon's cheerleaders) Duke! Duke! He's our man!  GO DUKE!  Whee-hee!

Y. Bakura: (starting to cry) I hate them!  Make it stop!

Stereo: (Tea's voice) You can do it!  We believe in you!  You have to remember what you're fighting for!  We love you!  You must believe in yourself!  The power of our friendship is stronger than anything!

Y. Bakura: Arrrrrrg!  Not her! Please!  I surrender!  I give up!  TURN IT OFF!  Please, please…waaaahaahaaha! (Retreats into soul room, psychologically scarred for the remainder of his life)

Bakura: (shocked) Good Lord!  Who's that on the stereo?

Kaiba: (switches it off and takes out his earplugs) What was that, Bakura?

Tea: (surprised) Oh!  You used earplugs!

Kaiba: How else do you think I could have listened to that without going crazy like him?

Rebecca:  Fuzzwalker would have gotten rid of him _easily_!

Joey:  Da real question is: How're we gonna get rid of HER?

Rebecca: (in what she imagines is Fuzzwalker's voice) I sense a disturbance in the Force!  Die, Sith scum! (whacks Joey with her bear)

Kaiba: (grins evilly) I don't know, Joey.  She's kind of cute.

Rebecca:  Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way!  (continues whacking Joey)

Tristan: (watching gleefully) Whew!  And we thought _Bakura_ was dangerous!

Bakura: (confused) Who?  Me?  What did I do?  And where in the bloody world are we?

Yugi: Well, Bakura, it all started a while ago, um, it seems like a _long_ time ago—

Kaiba:  In a galaxy far, far away…

Joey: (still being whacked) Ahhhhh!  Mercy!

Rebecca:  I'd rather kiss a Wookie!

Tea:  Crap, I'm getting a migraine.  If anyone quotes another Star Wars line I swear I'll barf all over him.

Kaiba: (softly, to Mokuba) I sense much anger in her!

  Back in Domino City now, the gang is enjoying some much-needed peace and quiet.  They got rid of Rebecca when Kaiba promised to make Fuzzwalker a "buzzing sword" and then dumped her on Antarctica, where she is still terrorizing the unfortunate penguins to this day.

  Kaiba _did _return the X-Jet to the X-men after making some repairs, but he kept a copy of the blue prints and eventually built himself a model of it, with his own improvements, of course.

  Joey went through counseling to relieve the memories of Rebecca's attack and is now recovering rapidly.

  Yami finally recovered from his post-Buttercup depression and soon fixed his attention on a cute girl named Jade, from Jackie Chan Adventures.  He still has not convinced Kaiba to transport him into her cartoon.

  Bakura has not had any more trouble with his yami, so far.  The spirit seems content to run maniacal circles around its soul room, muttering about the attack of Pegasus's flying purple squirrels who wield millennium acorns.  He is not expected to hatch evil plots any time soon.

  It was a warm, sunny day, when Tea sat on the steps of the Game Shop with Yugi and talked with him pleasantly about school.  Finally she got the conversation around to where she wanted it.

Yugi:  I think that medical procedures today are more important than ever!  I'm doing my report on treating warts that grow under the toenails.

Tea: (disgusted) Oh…really?  Well, I'm thinking about researching the procedure that they use to make people taller.

Yugi: (suddenly getting nervous) Um…that's great…

Tea:  Yeah, they have this operation now where they break the limbs in the body…

Yugi: (gulps)

Tea: And then they pull away the broken parts until they're the proper length…

Yugi: (squeaks) Oh.

Tea: (cheerfully) Kind of painful, but I guess it's worth it!  (looks at Yugi longingly) No pain, no gain.  And frankly, Yugi, you could use some vertical gain.

Yugi: (tries to keep breathing)

Tea: Well, what do you think?

Yugi: (eyes dart around frantically) Um, I think I hear Grandpa calling me.  Gotta go! (runs up the steps)

Tea:  Yugi, come back!  I haven't told you my other ideas!  YUGI!!!

(Runs in after him, knocking over displays and racks of cards)

Yugi: (squeezed in a tiny space, behind a small shelf, whispers to himself) There are _some_ advantages to being short!

**********************************************************

The End

That's all, folks!  Didn't you laugh?  Flame me if you want, but please leave a review!

  Since I won't be writing any more chapters on this fic, so I can't reply to your reviews in the story anymore.  So if you have a question or comment and you _really_ want a reply, feel free to e-mail me, I don't mind at all.  Thanks for reading!  Trust the Heart of the Cards and may the Force be with you!

Readers: (collective groans and eye-rolling)

Me: (laughing nervously) Heheh, sorry, I just had to say that.


End file.
